I need a little cheering up...

...So instead of sulking in all the stresses of life at the moment that seem to be more than I can possibly handle, I decided to think instead about some of the things I love in hope that the positive thoughts will drown out the not-so-positive ones that are taking over right now...

First of all...Johnny's Seasoning Salt-- you can serious put this amazing stuff on anything! It gives it a nice kick but not too much. A shoutout to my bro-in-law Jeffery for introducing me to such a thing!

So I will admit- i love facebook. I don't actually do a lot-- i've never done a quiz things or anything, i use it purely to stalk people from high school. Seeing how our life paths have taken us in completely different directions is somehow amusing and a priceless use of my downtime.

I know this picture was on my last post-- but I'm willing to submit that Portland is by-far the greatest city on earth. And it's been on my mind a lot seeing as though we are about to head there in a couple days...6 but who's counting?

ABC'S the Bachelorette-- I can help but love this show. I'm not a bit TV watching-- we pretty much keep it to sports in this house, now that ER is off the air (boooo) but this show it my guilty indulgence. I even feel personally offended when my favs are sent home-- namely REID. The finale is on tomorrow and I can hardly wait, especially now that I know Reid makes a comeback! Hopefully Jillian won't let me down and choose Ed who I personally can't stand.

Cafe Rio Sweet Pork Salads-- these little numbers hit the spot every time! Words cannot describe!

I'm a lover of Hugh Grant-- Two Weeks Notice was just on a couple days back and it reminded me of the fact that I simply love him!

Obviously I went the unserious route with most of these...I do feel a little better now though--

Our Upcoming Adventure...

Our adventure will include...

BEAUTIFUL scenery, clean air and great fresh mex

Delightful little burgers, the best vacation spot in the world and some great entertainment.

...and these beautiful people close enough to see whenever I darn well please!

That's right, Andrew, Bauer and I will be packing up and moving to Portland at the end of the month, yes this month, like a week and a half from now! It was a little bit of a fast decision but we couldn't be more excited. We don't have a job quite yet, but we're hoping that actually being out there will help Andrew network better and bring about opportunities and interviews that are hard to gather from states away. Bauer is SOOO excited to see grammy and papa and meet his aunts, uncles and MANY crazy cousins! Why I'm sitting here posting and not packing, I'm not sure about....

*A shout-out to my mom and dad who are continually giving giving giving to us and who are opening up they're basement to us until we can settle with a job and a place of our own. We appreciate you more than you know!

Musings from an Emotional Mommy

So I realized that I always tell myself, "you journal, your blog is your journal" but i really only put news on there and I never just post when I'm feeling something or emotional--AND EMOTIONALLY I AM!!! After I've had Bauer, I feel like my eyes are a leaky faucet!! I seriously sobbed one night watching "16 and pregnant" on none other than MTV (don't judge me.) So last night I had a SERIOUS breakdown-- I'm actually not sure I've cried that hard in my entire life.
Bauer had a hard day yesterday. He seemed to be in a lot of pain from him "procedure" on Monday, and he's also been having tummy problems because he REFUSES to burp! I know they have good days and bad days, but instead of his usual fussing, he was getting full on mad- real tears and all. He kept holding his breath-- almost turning purple which really freaked me out since that's what got him in the NICU in the first place! Later in the day, I made a trip out to Target to grab a few things and I just felt like maybe we should put his oxygen in. I didn't know if the the oxygen out was contributing to him holding his breath and being so unhappy since he had lots of reasons to be upset, but I really didn't want to take any chances so we went ahead and put it back in when I got home. It was really hard for me-- I was so excited for the progress then it felt like we were taking a giant step backwards even though it was just 1/32 of a liter of oxygen!
I went back in his room to feed him and I was just filled with so many emotions I started bawling. I think I started crying so hard I was holding my breath too!! I did pretty good holding myself together through the rollercoaster of emotions these past 3 1/2 weeks-- but last night I didn't know what I felt. I was sad, I was angry, I was frustrated, but mostly my heart just aches for my little man. As his mom, and a mom with some known risks, I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible for the pain and suffering he's had to go through and continues to endure. I told Andrew that surely he doesn't need to learn anything from this, so I wish I could hurry up and learn what I need to so he can be spared any more discomfort! I didn't want to let him go, I just held him tight and let the tears flow freely-- He's such a trooper. If I had half the strength he had, I may have not been sobbing in the back room!
Tonight we really are going to do that SAT O2 study to see if he really does need the oxygen so that will answer some questions. Anyway-- if you made it all the way through that I applaud you-- if you didn't, i don't blame you. But I do feel better!
(note: this was WAY too long to edit, please excuse the many sentences that may not make sense!)

WHO COULDN'T LOVE THIS FACE!!!!!

Now you see it...Now you don't!

This was Bauer on Sunday....

&
This was Bauer on Monday....

Notice anything different? That's right, Bauer is hanging oxygen free now!! We went to the doctors on Monday to find out that he had gained 8 ounces in 1 week AND that he was ready to try bring without his oxygen tube. Wow were we excited. We have to have an oxygen study later today but hopefully it will go well and he won't have to be back on the tubes! We have to stay on the apnea (heart and lung) monitor til he's been home for 2 months for safety reasons. We are soooo proud of our little man and the progress he is making! (note: he went into the doctor mainly for his circumcision but we choose to focus on the positive. He wants any baby boy to know that getting that done when you over 3 weeks old is not a good idea! The earlier the better!) He is a joy and we seriously can't even remember life without him!!!

The Adventures of HOME!

WE'RE HOME! After proving that he was strong enough to come home, Bauer was discharged from the NICU Wednesday morning and we were sooo excited to bring out little man home! I was honestly very nervous about the oxygen tube and the heart/lung monitor but they've actually just been more annoying than stressful. We are proud to report that he has never set the monitor off himself, but the leads have come loose causing the machine to make this very loud and very aweful sound!
Since being home Bauer has...
*Been a great eater and sleeper. His second night home, he slept from 1:45 to 6:30 without making a fuss! I can't say last night was as great....haha but we seriously cannot complain!
* loves the excess of kisses from mommy and grandma...ok maybe not-- but he get's them anyway!
*dreamt daily of using the REAL golf clubs Papa brought his last week! They are seriously the cutest things I've ever seen! We're skipping the fisher price snoopy set and jumping right to the big leagues! We've been telling Bauer he better get good and go pro so he can help us pay off his medical bill! haha
*made a trip to the Dr. where we found out he has grown an inch and is up 2 ounces from his birth weight! good boy! The Dr. also informed us that we would decide if he still needed oxygen after a month but that he would have to be on the monitor for 2 months! grrr. I'm sure they have the data and the research to back up that decision--but you just hope it's necessary and not just a protocall they are following.
*got to hang out lots with Dad! It's so cute! I think Andrew is still slightly scared of breaking him or ripping off a lead, but Bauer is sooo lucky to have a dad who adores him like Andrew does!
*enjoyed his first bath at home without getting too mad!
*melted my heart! I can't believe how much I love being his mom! He is such a joy and I love hanging out with him all day.

Bauer Update--

Bauer continues to make great progress. Yesterday we started our trial run to see if he would wake up on his own and eat the volume he needs on his own. HE DID GREAT! It started out as a 12 hour deal but he did so well, they let him keep going to try to get the 24 hour block that he needs in order to be considered for discharge. He breastfeeds about half and bottles what I pump for the last half. We are soooo proud of him!!! This does mean we make about 100 trips to the hospital a day, but he's worth every second of it! The Dr. has been happy with his progress so we're hoping to bring him home in the next couple days. He will have to come home on a heart monitor (if not oxygen as well) so we'll have to sleep in for a night to prove we can maneuver our way around the machines. We have been sooo grateful for my mom who has been such a huge help-- from letting me rest between hospital visits to interpreting dr.'s reports she has been heavensent! Thanks mom-- we don't know how we would do it without you. Thank you everyone for your continued love and support-- we feel so fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family.

Mommy Loves Me!

Isn't is obvious why!?

Our Bauer

So here's some updated pictures of our little man. It's hard to take lots of pictures since he spends most of his days "tanning"under the bili lights.

He is so adorable. We love him so much! He's being a fighter and hanging in there with all the tests he's undergoing. He loves to be cuddled so it takes everything we've got in us to follow the nurses orders and put him back after we feed him.
The doctors and nurses have been awesome. They are still trying to figure out what exactly is going on, but they are doing everything they can to get him as home as soon as possible.
Thank you for your continual thoughts and prayers. I can assure you they are being felt.
ok--enough of the talking, you want to see pictures!

It always takes a while to get one with his eyes open all the way-- I could seriously just kiss this face non-stop!


He doesn't love to be burped, but he sure is cute while he tries!

We were able to give him his first bath last night. He couldn't really decide how he felt about it, but he liked being nice and clean afterwords!

If the nurses would let him lay on his stomach all day he would!


This picture is price-less! He hates having his eyes covered but we keep trying to convince him it's just a day at the beach!